You’re So Selfish! Five Reasons Why

Yes, you’re selfish beyond comprehension. Oh wait, not you, look next to you. Yeah them.

It’s obvious in everything we do. Now, I believe we all deserve to have the experiences we desire, curated to our needs, and express our individualities, especially when these experiences lead to healthy, supportive communities. However, I’m talking about selfishness. Selfishness inevitably leads to loneliness. True selfishness destroys communities rather than creates them. Fewer communal spaces, fewer rich human connections. 

Reason 1:

We no longer share experiences. We are isolated. I don’t mean pandemic isolation, this preceded it, and the pandemic worsened it. No one is absorbing the same experience at the same time. We don’t have to attend a music festival or a comedy show because it will be on a streaming service soon enough. There’s no need to sacrifice time and money to drive across the country to see our favorite artist (though some still do!). Great, right? The downside is that we don’t get to meet new people–in person–who love what you love. Social media groups only go so far. Meeting someone from Missouri online is nice, but meeting someone from Missouri in person, sleeping with them, spending the rest of the weekend together, and exchanging real numbers is nicer. (Sorry, my head is in the gutter.)

Reason 2:

We absorb our media privately. The radio is no longer the main source of music, local events, and news. The same for broadcast television. When you stumble on something miraculous, no one is there, experiencing it with you at the same time. There’s not an international gasp and awe of seeing Michael Jackson moonwalk for the first time. I remember when I saw The Matrix on opening night. The theater was packed like sardines and I had to sit with the screen practically on my nose, craning my neck to watch. I will never forget the collective energy of that moment–everyone shouted, cheered, and then walked out of the theater in hushed voices as we tried to make sense of what we just witnessed. Now, there’s no longer a need to be in front of a tv or radio at a specific time–you can YouTube it or pirate it. 

This makes it difficult to have a cultural zeitgeist–something that everyone can hold on to–and it removes some of the shorthand we use in communication. “Flying monkeys! I got that reference.” We have a few still: references to Game of Thrones, Black Panther, and The Dark Knight Rises, as examples. 

Reason 3:

Headphones. Yes, headphones. Headphones are a delight for people with sensitivity to sound stimulus or people who do not want to interact with strangers. It’s a respite. Headphones allow us to tune everything out except what we want to hear. We get to determine what we are exposed to, when and where. There’s a downside. We don’t get to be surprised by music we might like or might inform that moment because we’re listening to the same five artists over and over again. No joy from hearing a car blasting a song we’d forgotten and getting excited. How many memories do we have that are attached to a song? It was playing in the courtyard when we made our first friend, we were bumping it in the car on a road trip, or listening to it at a party. For me, it isn’t summer until I hear “Summertime” playing on the radio. It’s cheating if I play it. 

Reason 4:

Social media silos. We can curate what we want to see and interact with while diminishing the stuff we’re not sure applies. While that seems cool, we miss out on things we didn’t know we’d like.

Reason 5:

The abundance of solo artists. This might be a stretch, but it’s a personal peeve. Groups and bands have, for the most part, fallen out of favor. (BTS and Silk Sonic, notwithstanding.) Artists want to stand on their own. However, did we forget the big musical groups like Boyz II Men, Backstreet Boys, and Dru Hill? Remember the beauty of each member having a vital role in creating a unified piece? Today artists rely on production more than their voices which makes complicated harmonies impossible and their egos are too big to share the spotlight. So big, in fact, they don’t leave a group, they won’t even join one.  

Now here’s the extra hot take: we might have more community-minded folk if we stopped gazing at our navels, living in silos, and actually engaged with others. After all, we have to live with them. 

I am selfish too, even writing this piece to chastise everyone while as soon as I click publish, I’ll probably watch reruns of the $100,000 Pyramid and not leave the house. When was the last time I went to a festival or concert? Welp. Ahem. This is embarrassing. Hmm, is House in the Park still going strong today? Maybe I’ll go out there and listen to some music with strangers.