Fear Who Sends You

“We should fear who sends us with a message, not to whom we are sent.” (Yoruba)

I used to operate as an intercessor between friends, always seeking to deliver clarity and repair whatever issues or conflicts between them. Oh ho! Not anymore. I have been burned far too many times this way. In fact, I wanted to help so much that I actually served on a grievance committee for my job which sought to find reconciliation between coworkers. The one thing I learned from this is that the phrase “don’t shoot the messenger” is real af. They do. Easily.

Think of the historical dramas in which a messenger has traveled days to deliver a message to the king. The king listens to the message, finds himself displeased, and kills the messenger. There are probably too many instances flowing through your mind right now.

The information you are delivering may be awkward, untrue, or simply cruel. You are now a party to their private communication, their private thoughts, and their private feelings. Ask yourself why this person will not communicate directly to the other. Are they afraid of the fallout? Or do they already know that the message is dirty? Be suspicious of anyone who asks you to hold the bag because you are the one who will feel the immediate results. In this way, be leery, protect yourself, because the message will be heard from YOUR mouth, not theirs.

On another note, speak for yourself. Don’t hide behind someone else and hope they will take care of your conflict. If you’re unwilling to do it, don’t ask another to do it. Advocate for yourself and say what you mean.

In the words of Jay-Z “I ain’t never pay a n**** to do no dirt, I’d be scared to do myself.”